“Hi!”
The voice I heard sounded like the voice I'd imagine Barbie's plastic vocal-cords making: shrill, utterly vacant, and loud – very loud.
I turned around in my bus-seat, and pretended to look out the window behind me. Barbie was middle-aged. She wore the tight uniform of a business-woman, and she clutched a pink cell-phone directly up against the side of her caked face.
“Is – is this Sam?”, she said.
I heard then the slightest prick of uncertainty underneath the candy-coating of her bubbly voice, and it tugged on my interest enough to make me leave my head-phones on my lap for a while longer, and eavesdrop on the rest of her conversation.
“Oh! – Sam! It's been so long.”
“I haven't seen you or Patty since.. when? New Year's at Marsha’s, must've been!”
“I know – I know!”
“Tyler and I were just talking last night about how you two haven't come over for dinner in forever. I miss Patty's 'definitely getting fucked-up tonight' cock-tails!”
Fake laughter erupted behind me. It was as if someone had pulled the string on her back, triggering the sound-box inside her hollow, plastic-casing to start making the irritating noises it was programed to produce.
“I'm telling her you said that!”
A mock gasp.
Then more mechanical laughter.
“I'm so – so going to, Sam!”
I found myself wondering if this woman knew she was on a bus right now.
“Tell me, have you two found that apartment downtown you were talking about last New Years yet?”
“Yeah, that's downtown, huh.”
“Sam, I miss you two! Patty is my favourite girlfriend! Why do we always act like strangers?”
“Yes, of course!”
“Oh, no! Sorry – well, me and Tyler are having dinner at his mother's house Thursday. Sorry, Sam! Really am!”
“It's just a busy week.”
“I'll give Patty a call sometimes soon, really soon, and we'll figure out a date that works better. Leave it to the girls, right?”
“Well, okay Sam.”
“Tell Patty I miss my girlfriend!”
“Okay now, Bye-bye!”
I glanced behind myself again, and saw the woman snap her phone shut. I turned back around, relieved.
“Hi!”
A moment later, her phone was open again, and pressed so hard against the side of her face I was sure it would leave a white Nokia-shaped mark when she removed it.
“Samantha?”
“Oh, Jesus – Samantha, I actually got you this time. I thought I called Sam by mistake again.”
“Remember, you met him at one of our dinner-parties? His wife – Patty, I think - was really annoying. Remember?”
“She was the one who kept telling me my guacamole needed more sour-cream.”
“Yeah, the couple Tyler and me met during our counselling. Your contacts are next to each other in my phone. I should've deleted both their numbers, but I kept forgetting”
“Tell me about it.”
“It was hilarious, I was like 'Oh, Sam'.”
“I got off the phone as soon as I could.”
